Hide My Head
by Cabbitshivers
Summary: Inuyasha is confused as to what his brothers feelings towards him really are. SxI
1. All Around Me Are Familiar Faces

**HIDE MY HEAD**

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Chapter One

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"_Go home!_"

The shout still sounded in his ears, though the cry had long since faded from the air. Hours, days, weeks faded. Yet still it persisted, undaunted, unmolestered, boldly repeating itself over and over in his head.

"_Go home!_"

It made no sense. He had no home to go to, he knew this, so why did he tell him to go to a place he was no familiar of? Had he meant to tell him just to piss off, and had done so in that fashion that demeaned him to the level of the mongrel, bastard house dog he had always treated him as. Or had he really meant for him to go **home**, to the place where he had spent a portion of his childhood, and the place that had been unwelcome to him for more years than he had spent there? 

No, he couldn't possibly have meant the letter. There had been too much emotion there in his eyes. His brother had been the most furious he had ever seen him. Never had Sesshoumaru ever directed so much anger at him before, never had he allowed his face to be so open. He'd been shocked by it, startled into fumbling over his tongue in an effort to find a smart, cutting remark. None had been forthcoming. The words and the expression had knocked them all out of his head.

"_I don't need your help_." He'd said.

Of course he hadn't. He strongly doubted that there was anyone who could easily defeat his brother. Naraku was a challenge, yes, he didn't know where either of them stood against each other, nor what the outcomes would be if they were to fight seriously. And his arm... Sesshoumaru had only lost it to him because he had underestimated his adaptability to the Tetsusaiga's enchantment. He knew he was nowhere near strong enough to mark his brother if it came to a full-fledged battle. The only chance for him would be in transforming into a full demon, and even then survival seemed pretty thin. Being estranged from all sense, insane, and bloodthirsty did not seem to be the best way to preserve ones life.

"_This is not your place, Inuyasha!_"

Strange, that he always used his name. He thought that with all the loathing and animosity that his brother held towards such detestable creatures as Hanyou's, such as himself, and the humans that part-way spawned them, that he would call him by nothing other than his description, as he did will all others. Hanyou. But he never had. Instead he had criticized his behavior, his attitudes, his language, his temperament, his fighting skills, and in particular their lack of. He had verbally abused him for being a Hanyou, for their father's weakness in rutting with a Human woman.

"_-not your place, Inuyasha!_"

Place? What place? As far as he knew he didn't have one. It had been taken away from him along with a great many other things when his mother had passed away and he had been chased from his home by a volley of rocks and stones. Having no 'place' he should have been free to come and go wherever he pleased, yet still they tried to place restrictions on him. Not his place? If that wasn't his place then where the hell was it?! 

"_-your place, Inuyasha!_"

Hell, maybe? He already had someone trying to drag him down there.

"_-Inuyasha!_"

His name. The way he had said it had yanked on him from some small painful place inside. He'd almost said it as how he'd imagined a true brother saying it. With that odd feel to it, that strange connection, that thread of emotion that almost sounded like protectiveness. Of course he was kidding himself, though. Sesshoumaru hated him, saw him not as a Brother, but as a dreadful family stain that merely bore the tainted title of half-brother. And Hanyou. It shouldn't have bothered him. Not really. He hated Sesshoumaru too, after all.

But it did.

"_Go home!_"

"Damn it!" He shouted, pounding his taut fist hard into the wooden floor boards beneath him. They shuddered under his knuckles, creaking and cracking alarmingly. Everyone within the small cabin jumped and turned startled eyes towards him. "Why can't he just shut his fucking mouth?!"

Sango blinked confusedly at him. "Who, Inuyasha?" She asked. "Miroku wasn't speaking."

Inuyasha stared at her for a moment, as if uncertain about what she was talking about. Then, suddenly realizing he had spoken aloud - no - shouted, he blushed and made a furious snort.

"No, not him! That fucking bug on the roof!"

Miroku cocked his head to the side, as if listening. "I hear nothing." he said.

"Well I do!" Inuyasha retorted, crossing his arms across his chest. "These ears aren't just for show, you know. That bug's pissing the hell out of me."

He wasn't totally lying, really. There was a bug on the roof, and it was making noise, but it was quiet enough for him to ignore, and was nowhere near as irritating as he was making it out to be. What was annoying, however, was that expression on Sesshoumaru's face when he told him to go home. He curled into himself, bowing his head over his folded arms. '_Go home to where, older brother? You stole the only place I could call home.'_

He almost started when he felt a hand descend onto his shoulder, but quickly covered the involuntary movement by bringing his hand up to scratch at his ear. He lifted and focused his eyes to see Kaede standing in front of him, half bent over so that she could meet his eyes. He blinked once, quickly, to cover his confusion. How was it that he had not heard her?

Deep brown eyes stared at him in mild concern.

"Inuyasha?" Kaede questioned. "You seem to be restless. What is it that is bothering you?"

"Nothing!" he snarled. Short, and to the point. And, of course, an outright lie. He folded his arms even tighter across his chest, flicking his hair half over his face as he turned his head sharply to the side.

Kaede's hand remained on his shoulder, and her fingers squeezed him once, hard. The dull throb of pain from beneath her fingers startled him again, and he restrained himself from moving his shoulder out from under her hand. Kaede's grip couldn't be **that** strong.

"The New Moon is tomorrow night. Is that what you are concerned about?" The old miko asked him.

From behind the curtain of his hair Inuyasha's eyes widened. His heart thumped once, painfully in his chest, then stopped. His lungs seized silently, and held tight the breath inside of them. The New Moon... Oh, shit. He'd forgotten.

"Inuyasha?" Kaede asked.

Quickly, he released his held breath. "What?!" He snapped back, internally breathing a sigh of relief when his heart started up beating again.

"Inuyasha," Kaede started, a reproachful tone to her voice.

"Leave me alone!" He snarled. He shook off her hand and stood up. "There's nothing wrong, so leave it!" He glared at everyone inside of the small room for a moment before storming out, his heavy heels making sounds on the wooden porch as he walked across it.

The rustle of the bamboo curtain covering the door sweeping back into place trapped a web of hush inside of the room, as all of the inhabitants shared worried and confused glances. None of them knew quite what to make of the white-haired Hanyou's current behavior, and the attitude that he had just displayed, though usually considered normal, seemed a little off.

"That was... a little different than usual." Supplied Sango, the first to break the quiet.

Kagome nodded but stayed silent, her eyes, so similar in shade to Kaede's, were fixed on the doorway that Inuyasha had escaped through. Escape. Yes, it did seem like he was fleeing from something when he left so suddenly. Her eyes narrowed in thought as she half paid attention to what Miroku was saying in response to Sango.

"He is behaving a lot more defensively than usual." He was saying. "Almost like the way he was when I first started traveling with Kagome-sama."

"How so, Houshi-sama?"

Miroku's blue eyes deepened as he, too, fixed his eyes on the door that Inuyasha had left through. "He's been prowling more. Up at night in the forest around our camp, not sleeping as much, more aggressive and volatile. More...distant, as well. Withdrawn, which definitely isn't like him. Have you noticed how he seems to be covering his chest with his arms more often?"

Sango nodded. If possible, the colour of her eyes deepened even further in worry.

"It's almost as if he's...feeling threatened."

.

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End Chapter One


	2. Going Nowhere

**HIDE MY HEAD  
**.**  
Chapter Two  
**.  
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Inuyasha felt the boards shudder and creak beneath his feet as he walked on them intentionally hard. He didn't care if he was acting childish, taking out his frustration at Sesshoumaru's obscurity on Kaede's wooden porch. They were in a forest, surrounded by trees; if he broke a board he could easily replace it. The claws on the ends of his fingers weren't just for show, either. They had their purpose, and admittedly, the thought of slashing something right now was very appealing.  
  
Leaping off of the porch onto the ground, he could feel the springy grass mash beneath his feet. Every single blade, innumerable to the naked eye, could be felt by the soles of his feet, acknowledged for what it was - a single blade of grass. Humans felt very little of what they touched, smelt very little of what was in the air, tasted hardly any of the food they consumed. It was as though their tongues, fingers and nostrils only brushed the surface area of those things, going no deeper into them than their first, initial layer. It was a form of blindness to be Human, to be restricted so severely as to barely see a corner of what was really there. Inuyasha hated it with a passion: the weakness; the bland way everything sounded, tasted, felt; the mortality that settled heavy around him like the thickest of armours, restricting his movements. So how was it that he'd forgotten that tomorrow night was the New Moon? The one night in a month where he was, blood and body... Human.  
  
He paused for a moment, looking up at the slowly colouring sky, but the Moon was in obscurity and hidden from his eyes behind swollen golden clouds. He cast his gaze back downwards and continued walking. Not seeing the fading form that dictated his life was unsettling. No more unsettling than having forgotten that he was nearing his Time, but disturbing just the same. He shrugged his shoulders as he walked, as if trying to throw off of them the weight of what was coming the next night, but the motion served only to rustle his yukata and partially loosen the muscles wound tight from worry.  
  
"Damn." He whispered as he stepped under the canopy of the first trees in the forest. The Sun's golden light was mostly blotted out, leaving only soft illumination and small patches of sunlight where the leaves parted enough to let it through. The grass was softer here, more damp against his feet, and as he crushed the strands beneath his weight they wafted up a cool, refreshing smell.  
  
He continued on through the forest in silence, wanting to say more, but there was nothing to really say. He was stupid. He had forgotten. That just about covered it all. Repeating that Sesshoumaru was annoying yet another time would take more effort than it was worth.  
  
After another long while of silence filled only with soft footfalls and birdsong, Inuyasha broke out of the woods into a small triangular clearing. Free from the usual clutter of trees found in the old forests, the small clearing held only one tree, the oldest of them all, the sacred Goshimboku tree. Coming to a stop beneath its wide-spread branches that kept younger trees from growing too close, Inuyasha glanced up into its leafy canopy. No sunlight filtered through the thick foliage, splashing gold only upon the bared roots at his feet, and though he could see birds perched up in its higher branches, there was no song from them – all around the tree there was a tranquil hush. Instantly Inuyasha felt his shoulders begin to relax, and when his eyes dropped back down they couldn't help but graze over the small scar in the Goshimboku's trunk, a meter above his head, where barely over half a year ago he was pinned through his heart by an arrow to this tree. It was funny now, considering the circumstances at the time, that this was the place to which he came when things were bothering him – like now.  
  
He leapt up into Goshimboku with a great bound, bypassing the lower branches and landing steadily on one of the thick limbs in the midst of the tree. Still, no pure sunlight filtered through, and the sun's setting light was not cast strong enough to pass through the leaves slightly translucent skin. The dimness was calming, and Inuyasha breathed a large sigh, sinking his shoulders down against the firm trunk his back was pressed to. His head followed, tilting back into the bark as he looked up at the overhead branch and fixed his eyes on nothing.  
  
Why was he thinking of his brother so much?  
  
It was a ridiculous thing. They didn't get along – they hated each other. They were an unhappily family. Or a happy family apart. There was no purpose to thinking about him, to thinking about them being a family at all. Their relationship with each other was as far from a typical brothers' relationship as it was possible to get and still be related. The only thing they shared that made them family was their father.  
  
And Sesshoumaru wasn't too happy with that.  
  
Inuyasha sighed again and allowed his chin to fall to his chest. His hair brushed against his cheeks as it fell forwards, and a troublesome stray strand attached itself to his lips. He didn't bother to remove it. Instead he sucked it into his mouth and began to worry at it with his tongue. It was an old nervous habit he'd developed as a child. Usually he controlled the urge to bite his hair when he was around the others, but here were he was alone he didn't bother with the effort.  
  
He closed his eyes, folding his arms limply across his stomach, two of his fingers brushing against the hilt of the Tetsusaiga at his hip. There was enough silence here to think. It was something Inuyasha desperately needed. And with the darkness of the inside of his eyelids to relax him further, it was easy to slip into a state of clear remembrance.  
  
He had been barely a child at the time, pretty much fresh out of infancy – four Human years, for a better understanding. It had two days past his latest dark Moon, and he was still hidden away in his bedroom - by his parents orders - and would be for a fair more days to come. He had known there was a war going on. His father had been absent for a month. When he had asked his older brother where his father was the full demon had no qualms about telling him the brutal truth. He was off to destroy the Lord of Dragon clan. He had been worried for his father, but he had heard stories at the dinner table and at gatherings of how powerful a taiyoukai he was, and so was reassured that things would be alright.  
  
That afternoon he had been startled when his mother had come and taken him out into the gardens with her. It was a fine day, and there were no servants within the gardens that he could see, but still, he was confused. He wasn't supposed to be seen by the youkai within the palace for days, yet. He had been even more startled when his mother had led him over the bridge to the small island where she prayed and made offerings. There, she knelt, and pulled the small boy down onto her lap, where she enfolded him in her robes and rested her cheek upon his head. There, she told him, that his father had been defeated by the Lord of the Dragon clan, and would not be coming home.  
  
One night, about two days after the full Moon, he had been awakened by a sudden rushing within the palace. He had sat up on his futon, his ears perked forwards as he tried to listen to all the things that were being said as the palace abruptly came to life. There had been a lot of shouting – people calling out loudly to each other. The calls had been accompanied by numerous bangs and crashes, and often covered by the sounds of thousands of running feet on the wooden floorboards, so he could barely make out a little of what was being said. Curious, he had gotten out of his bed and was standing in the doorway looking out at all of the servants behaving as if they were bees, when around a corner from another hall, his mother had come running. He had stared at her as she had hurried towards him, she was only in her under robes and her feet were bare. Her loose hair had flown behind her like a dark cloud as she had come upon him and pushed him back into his bedroom.  
  
"Inuyasha," She had said kneeling before him, her voice weak and her words fast. "There is trouble here. Go to Lord Sesshoumaru. Be fast, run quietly, use all the servant passageways and the doors between the rooms. Lord Sesshoumaru will protect you."  
  
Her hands had been hurting his arms, but he had nodded, and said that he would.  
  
"Good, Inu-chan." She had replied with a small smile, bowing and pressing her forehead to his. "Now be quick. Hurry. Don't let anyone see you save Lord Sesshoumaru. Remember, I love you."  
  
"I love you, too, hahaue." He had replied, then had been pushed out of the door by his mother.  
  
"Go!" She had shouted at him.  
  
And he had gone. He had run fast, and he had run silently, but he hadn't been unseen.  
  
He'd been cornered in one of the drawing rooms, the blue one where his mother had practised her calligraphy, and the servants who had caught him had not been kind in anyway to him. He had escaped, eventually, being small had had its benefits, and he had run… He had run like his mother had told him too... He had run with blood coming from a small cut on his ear, and from another on his jaw. He had run so _fast…__  
  
The floor was cold, smooth and slippery under his feet as he raced through the halls and rooms of the palace. His feet skidded on the varnished planks as he turned a corner, his hair flying out behind him, and he threw his hands out before him as his upper body tipped towards the floor. Scrabbling on his hands and feet for a few seconds, he thundered down the hall on all fours until he had recovered his balance enough to rise back up onto his legs. His own breath sounded loud in his ears, his pants harsh and his heartbeat quick. Somewhere behind him he could hear the sounds of pursuit, and it drove him to move his small legs faster. He turned another corner, his feet skidding again at his speed and desperation, and before he could right himself he crashed head-long into someone standing in the way.  
  
He sat on the floor a moment, stunned from the impact and frightened of who it was he'd crashed into. He pulled his legs beneath him, getting ready to run again as he held his breath and looked up.  
  
It was his brother.  
  
His breath rushed out of him with a sob of relief as he took in the tall figure of his older brother, standing over him and staring down with that expression he knew so well. He looked strong, intimidating, and right now like the protection that he so desperately needed. Pulling himself up onto his feet, he threw himself into Sesshoumaru's legs, and buried his face against them.  
  
"Sesshou-niisama! Sesshou-niisama!" He cried, clinging to his older brother's hakama, unconsciously digging his claws into the skin underneath. "Niisama, they're chasing me! They're throwing stones at me and trying to hurt me. They say it's my fault chichiue's not coming back. It's not true is it, Niisama?" He rubbed his face into the cloth beneath his cheek. "You'll stop them from hurting me, won't you?" He looked up at the still features of his brother and tried to stop the tears in his eyes from falling. "Niisama?" he asked.  
  
He didn't expect the blow that came.  
  
Pain blossomed across his face, forcing his head to the side and the rest of his body to follow. His small form crashed painfully to the floor, and he lay there, his curved back pressed up against the wall, and stared at the hands lying in front of his face. His heart bet loud, strong, and he felt one of the tears that he had been holding back slip down over his nose.  
  
"You are not my brother."  
  
At his older brother's voice he curled up tighter into himself, pulling his hair over his face and covering his ears with his hands. Sesshou-niisama hadn't just said that. He was imagining things.  
  
"You are not welcome here. Leave before I kill you."  
  
He bit down on his lip, and closed his eyes against the tears that were beginning to fall.  
  
"But Sesshou-niisama," he started, his voice shaking and muffled by his hair. "Hahaue is--"  
  
"Your mother is dead." Sesshoumaru interrupted.  
  
His breath caught on a gasp and he dug his small sharp claws into the flesh of his ears. The pain his nails caused wasn't as bad as the one in his heart. He squinted his eyes tighter closed. He could feel his tears running down his nose and cheek and wetting his hair.  
  
"Liar!" He shrieked, crying even as he shouted. "You lie, Sesshoumaru! Hahaue is NOT dead! She's not! I saw her – you're lying! I HATE you! Why are you lying to me!" He was choking on his words, sobbing through them, and with his eyes closed he didn't see his older brother moving closer to him. "I hate you… don't lie, niisama…" He cried.  
  
"I do not speak lies, Inuyasha." His older brother said from above him. "Father and your mother are dead."  
  
He slowly opened his wet eyes, and looked through his hair at his brother's feet in front of him. "Liar…" He whispered.  
  
There was a low growl, and then a loud, angry bark that caused him to flinch.  
  
"InuYASHA!" Sesshoumaru shouted._

_Feeling another tear tracking down the curve of his cheek, he glanced up at his older brother through his hair and saw an expression on his face that he'd thought he'd never see directed at him. Sesshoumaru was snarling, his lips drawn up and his fangs bared. And for the first time ever, he saw just how cold Sesshoumaru's eyes really were._

_"Get up!" His tall demon brother snapped, stooping quickly to pull him up by his arm. He gasped as it was yanked roughly and he was forced up onto his feet. "Now run… or this Sesshoumaru will kill you!"_

_He was thrown to the floor again, with enough force that sent him rolling half way down the hall. His small arms shook furiously as he tried to gather them beneath him. He didn't understand. His brother was going to kill him if he didn't leave. His mother was dead, his father was dead – Sesshoumaru had to be lying. But he was right. He never lied… he'd never lied… he never..._

_He heard a footstep. The floor vibrated a little under his hands. His brother was moving towards him… He remembered his mothers smile, and the scared look in her eyes, and the words she had said to him, and he got up and ran again.  
  
He was faster this time, faster than he ever thought he could be. He left Sesshoumaru behind in seconds, passed by servants who didn't even notice that he'd gone by, and never before had running ever felt so much like flying. He was crying all the while, tears blinding his eyes, but he kept running. He ran and ran until he had left his home so far behind that he couldn't even smell it anymore… And still he kept running. It was all that he knew how to do._

"Run." Inuyasha whispered to himself, brushing his fingers over the hilt of Tetsusaiga. He sighed. "Mother was wrong."

.  
  
End Chapter Two

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A/N -- For all of those who pleaded for me to 'write more soon!'  
- here ya go! Hope you enjoyed, and hope I didn't try your  
patience too much. It does take me a while to get things out,  
but you're positive reviews make it easier to continue. Don't  
fret too much. I have no writers block on this one, the only  
reason why I'm so slow at updating is a) Exhibition work, and  
b) Two flat mates share my computer for internet usage. So  
needless to say sometimes it's a little hard just to get on here  
and write. Also, another thing to fear not - the third chapter  
is already mostly finished!  
  
P.S - All you professional writers stop scaring me! Talk about  
fear of the White Window!


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